The one about the "14 hours to London and back epic"

This is another "Copy and Paste" from a post I made on a Motorbike Forum back in June of 2008 .

It goes something a little like this . I am perusing the "For Sale" section of my favourite motorcycle forum and notice somebody is selling a "Scorpion Street Extreme" Exhaust in Titanium (my favourite Flavour) , a text and a phone call later and the dastardly deed is done . The seller lives not too far from Heathrow . I call my mate Rick and say "Ooh I got a new can for the SV" he replies with "Guess what , I`m bidding on another Kawasaki Z1300 on eBay and thats in Dagenham" ......... hmmm if Rick wins that auction we can kill 2 birds with one brick here . I notify the Exhaust seller that I may be able to collect the can in person .

Sooooooooo ..... a couple of days go by and Rick is on tenterhooks to say the least , he tells me where the guy lives and my reply is "No F***ing way dude , that`s the same street my ex`s parents live on , I know exactly where it is" . So we eyeball the auction and I give him advice on sniping the sale at the last second to secure a win . I assure him that I can get him there and we sort out that IF he wins , we will go down on his GSX1400 and he rides the Zed back and I will pilot the "Starship Enterprise GSX" back home . It comes to last Sunday and Rick has the winning bid - not surprising really as he mistyped his amount in and bid £52,451 on it instead of £2451 .... he got it for way less ........... phew .

So I go into work and ask for Friday off .......... it can`t be done so I strike a deal that I will go in at 5am and work til 9 . I awake at 4am , shower , ride to work and do what I have to do . 9am and I am outta there . Get to Ricks place , the lazy Feck has only just woken up so I usher him forthwith and tell him to "get a wriggle on" . We go to the bank and withdraw spendies and I am on the back of the GSX and already regretting it , my poor hips , knees , arms etc etc etc . We get on the A55 for 10 O`Clock and already we have slipped in behind a Bentley going rather fast , we follow with the plan that if he gets flashed , we can slow down . We get bored of him by Chester and hoof it past him and get on our way .

Rick stops in Shrewsbury to get some fish tank supplies from Dobbies and in the car park he puts his foot down wrong and the GSX topples , we are desperatetly trying to keep her up off the deck but I am still astride her with bad hips and Ricks back is cream crackered anyway , he lays her down on the crash bars and no harm is done . 10 minutes later we are on the M54 , then the M6 and hit the M42 then the M40 . Lunch break at Warwick services and back on . We get to Uxbridge and meet up with the Exhaust seller (an amiable and most affable chap) , he relieves me of some spendies and I have an exhaust that weighs as much as a large packet of crisps .

Then we get on the Horror that is the M25 , I had my heart in my mouth as Rick doesn`t like to hang about and filters at a speed that some would say was Lunacy , meh , what can you do as a pillion apart from keeping them peeled and alert for danger . By now we are both very saddle sore and head for Essex . M11 then down the A13 to Dagenham , and arrive just in time for my ex girlfriend to drive past and her eyes are on stalks as I whip my lid off and wave at her , she stops and offers us Tea after the purchase of the Zed is done ....... this takes about an hour and we are sat down (whimper) with a ham and cheese butty and a nice large coffee .

We say our goodbyes and head off back for home (300 miles done so far) . I am piloting the GSX and am surprised how flickable it is , the M11 is swiftly despatched and the joy of M1 hooning is in front of us ........ well it will be after Luton , bloody roadworks and Average speed checks . It is then that we come across a Porsche . He didn`t like me sedately wafting past him at 85 and blarts past me and pulls in , in front , I ignore it for a sum total of 8 seconds and think "blow that" and waft past him again . He goes past me .... I grin and go past him . He gasses it past me and pulls in . Rick gets close to me and eggs me on and I Hoof it past him at 120 ish with Rick in tow and Mr Porsche`s testacles shrink . Plus one for the bikes I reckon .

We get a move on as the light is failing and we have gone past the point of sore to almost crying in pain and decide that only speed will make it feel better . We Hoon for about 45 minutes and pull in at Corley Services for a petrol top up . I have a widdle , Rick takes a picture of me Lungeing and I have a ciggy . It is then that a Porsche pulls in to fill up , a familiar looking Porsche . He struts around the car like he owns the place , his Bimbo girlfriend applying lipstick in the rear view mirror . I nod to Rick and say in my very loud voice "Isn`t that the Porsche driven by Toffee Bollox" , Rick rips up laughing and the guy looks at the bikes , realises who we are , doesn`t fill up and dives into his Third Reich mobile and gives it some welly away from the garage , his girlfriend yelling "You need fuel...." from the open window . Plus 2 for the bikes by my reckoning .

So we get a move on , M6 approaches and Rick decides to test the top end of the Zed out , I give chase to him and we get up to around 130 and calm it down again . M6 is uneventful and we hit the M54 and its playtime . We up the ante a bit and get going , nothing passes us for miles and the road is ours . Then we hit the A5 and Rick is playing silly buggers giving it welly off roundabouts . I give chase and carry on as usual . Then we see the first sign for North Wales . A tear wells up in my eye as I realise the agony will soon be over .... and bugger me pink it starts to rain . Typical , first mention of North Wales and here it comes . It soon passes . Rick has an interaction with some silly cow in a VW beetle (bloody German cars again) who decides to speed up as he overtakes her and tries to shut him out of a dual carriageway going down to single lane . He guns it away from her and she traps me behind her , then squirts me endlessly with her screen wash , as if I care . We get to the next roundabout and we have a drag race , Rick loses . We pull into Dobbies again for a stretch and a rest/ciggy and Rick informs me that he couldn`t keep up as he was wheelspinning ....... I note this in the "likely story mate" section of my mind and feel content to outgunning my mentor on that bit .

We get going again and peel off the next roundabout and gun it past a big line of cars , Rick is ahead and I am greedy for a second round , I rip the throttle open and am in the upper rev range in 3rd gear and my life flashes before my eyes . The GSX bucks and the back end steps out to the right ..... then the left , then the right , I bounce out of the saddle and the bike shakes it`s head whilst doing 2 more bucks beneath me . I land and close the throttle and she straightens up and the car next to me has HORRIFIED occupants . All I can think about is "This aint my bike , who`s gonna feed my Dog if I crash ?" . I snick it up another gear and Yoda`s voice enters my head "with power , much responsibility comes" , I decide to learn my lesson and keep her in higher gears and tell myself off for being such a No0b .

We get past the Wrexham bypass and hit the A55 , by now we are hanging onto the bikes in sheer tiredness , we pass some poor soul on a W reg Blue SV650 on Rhuallt hill around midnight , he looks tired too and we get a move on , home is mere miles away and I am on autopilot . Some pillock in a 4x4 decides to play silly buggers with us as well (was Japanese and not German this time) and we are in no mood for him , he is despatched with a twist of the throttle (in a high and safer gear) and we head for home . A bit of A55 and some back streets and we get to Ricks , I park his GSX and hug my SV and tell her she will have goodies tomorrow morning (or is that today) , Meh . I throw a leg over her and already I feel better , I bid Rick good night and head off home .

I arrive at 1am , North Wales to London and back in 14 hours , I had been awake for 21 hours and had done 600 miles . A small adventure and it was a hoot , a lesson or Two was learnt to the many and the few (don`t mess with bikes , don`t grab a handfull on a wet roundabout , take breaks as and when you need to and germanic cars seem to have grudges at being overtaken) . Thankyou for reading this small adventure , and goodnight , it`s been emotional .

And if your an Officer of the Law , I lied about the speeds , we never exceeded any of the limits set on the Queen`s Highways .